Ever fallen for someone who you weren’t expecting to? Ever been afraid to introduce someone to the people in your life because of how judgmental and difficult they are to please when it comes to who you like?
It’s the worst; being into someone who everyone in your life feels isn’t worthy of you giving your time to.
I kinda learned the importance of keeping friendships and relationships separately. I learned that in a scenario like the above mentioned, when your friends don’t agree with whom you’re choosing to be around, they can and will cause unnecessary issues between you and your partner.
So often we seek the validation of loved ones when it comes to choosing who we give our love to. We want so badly for the people in our lives to collectively and completely get along that we don’t even realize that it is sometimes so unnecessary.
Not everyone in your life will be able to adapt, and sometimes it’s for you to decide if certain things are worth giving your time and energy to.
You may be wrong – you may be right, but at the end of the day you’re the only one who will know if it’s worth the effort.
Sometimes the thrill of finding your partner without outside influence, even from loved ones, is what makes you want the union more than ever. It’s a personal achievement for you; you taking control of your own happiness. In the same breath we are human with flaws and shortcomings.
Our close relatives and friends are often the people who see them and help us along the way. They have accepted us as the flawed beings we are and are always ready to pick us up if we lose our way. They are naturally our support system thus they will know where our happiness lies. When getting together with someone, especially if they not in your circle of friends, proves tricky as the people we trust – our friends, will automatically be on their guard, simply because they want what’s best for us. They will also be the people who look out for us to ensure that we don’t get hurt.
We are not seeking validation or approval, we are adults and can make independent decisions. What we do seek though is for our loved ones to share in our moment of happiness. As we indulge in those moments we naturally expect our closest family and friends to indulge in them too, however the issue arises if and when in that indulging, they don’t share your sentiments about your choice of romantic partner.
This does not take away from the fact that they care for us, but more importantly, can we still have a healthy friendship even if our choice of partners are not what our friends deem great for us?
With that said, a romantic relationship and friendship can exist with one person as long as the necessary boundaries are abided to. This is not taking for granted the magnitude of the friendship they offer us, and in the event of a heartbreak they will undoubtedly be there to comfort us with a tub of ice cream and a bottle of our favourite alcoholic pleasure. For the pain. But no. Instead it preserves the friendship and the individual’s independence to make life’s tricky choices.
Some have said that their friends’ unapproval of their partner is a sign of jealousy; now more time will be spent with the boo rather than the bff. I disagree with that notion. A true friend wants happiness for you, regardless of what it is that makes you happy.
As much as they want happiness for us there should be a certain limit to synergy between your lover and friends. Expecting that is preposterous, appreciate it if it happens, but don’t be the one to mitigate that connection.
Written By: Lerato Mannya ( @MzLee_ ) and Siphiwe Zwane Jr. (@SDotJR_ )