The blogoshere as usual is on some completely banal parroting about why it’s the worst idea for J.Cole to release his second album on the same day as the second coming of Yeezus.
It’s actually rather funny to me, that all these people who clearly didn’t buy the first album of J.Cole now all of a sudden are experts in music retail trends and wanna behave like people who actually do buy music can only afford one friggin album at a time. No, you unemployed sodomites, that’s why South Africa has 75% people in debt, we charge it to the game, for real, fuck #KeepDebiting. So these are my late night, insomniac reasons as to why it ain’t the worst idea on earth for a mediocre rapper (I said it) to release his album on the same day as his saviour and the saviour of all mediocre rappers (Just look at the G.O.O.D Music roster, SMH!) releases his opus excretus for what is sure to be the beckoning of the four horsemen and the last days (That’s why he rocks the leather Roman soldier’s skirt).
In no particular order or adherence to propriety, here goes.
1) Blueprint. That’s right. Jay-Z released his album on the 11th September 2001 just as those planes went in too close for a window clean of the towers and to this day, it’s considered one of his best albums. It hurt his initial sales, fair enough, but when Bush declared war on one of them Ay-rab countries that threw a shoe at his Pappy, guess what those economically depressed 19-24 year old’s turned into US Marines were bumping in their new iPod’s as they stormed through Beirut pillaging and ransacking through Saddam’s personal gold underwear drawers? That’s right, “One million, two million, three million, four…in 18 months, 40 million more…” Incidentally, Kanye had beats on that album too, which means his cheques were immediately affected by the released date happening. But look at them now, 2 of the biggest rap and pop stars in the world impregnating broads we used to cap to when they were teenagers. HUH? I thought so.
2) Precedence. It’s not the first time 2 albums have come out on the same day. The music business works in quarters. You sit and plan and decide on a date. What are you gonna do if another dude chooses the same date? Unless you are on the same label or even in the same stratosphere, you chew that tobacco, spit it out, grab your crotch and do the square dance. J.Cole sat at the boards for close to two years making beats, getting head, writing rhymes, getting head, mixing and mastering, getting head again. He’s tired of all that head, let a man drop his album, go on tour, sign endorsement, get out-lightskin by Drake and at least give some mufuging head for a change whilst he at. Can a man live?
3) Peacetime. This isn’t 50 Cent getting fans to choose who is the dopest. No one declared war. The one dude is signed to Jay-Z who is Big Brother to the other dude. If you have like R300 in your pocket on June 18 (mid-month blues, for real), you can actually cop both records without offending the rapper you really love. Besides, these two records are dealing with 2 variant statements. We can tell already that Kanye has finally evolved from his Dark Twisted Fantasy to his Dark Untangled Reality. Homie is wiling. You can leave Kanye in the Amazon Jungle for 3 months and he’ll have eaten all the Chinchillas there, fur and bones, yo. Kanye is on a world agenda, he’s dealing with ideas of consumerism, pollution, mind control, aliens and twinkling vampires. Cole as usual is coming back very insular. He’ll tell us about eating Cheerios/ and getting head from a dirty-ho. He’s light weight. He might actually dis Diggy again. I mean, it’s not like Jay-Z will let Cole embarrass himself going after Kendrick…or Wacka Flacka Flame.
4) Slipstream. Already, we are blogging about J.Colada. Because he is now in Kanye’s vortex. He’s literally being carried by the all engulfing dark matter that the entire marketing muscle of yeezy means. 66 venues around the world to debut one video and here we are discussing J.Cele. It’s actually pretty Genius if you think about it. If J.Coors announced his release date, for many people that date would have come and gone. You’d realise, oh shit, is this the new J.Coldsore whilst chilling in a club toilet getting head. Word…life. But now you know the date because…genius. Also, there a lot of people who are only now being acquainted with J.Coleslaw’s music through the association with Yeezy because of people’s astonished blogs and tweets at his audacity . Again…genius or as one pregnant girl in California calls it, Yeezus.
5) Say What? It doesn’t hurt his sales because, he’s never had any. That’s right. They are in two different leagues. It’s Madonna vs Chomie. It’s Lady Gaga vs Die Antwoord. Ag man, we’ll just listen to both and hope we relate honestly with one of them or even both. Don’t confuse hype or sales as the number one precursor for what music touches YOUR personal soul. They’re your ears and there’s an extremely good evolutionary reason they are directly attached to your brain. What you listen to repeatedly is vital. Fuck the hype. Like what you like.
Written By: @RealGibberish